I remember when we moved to California; we were young, kid-less and full of promise.
I had time to paint my nails, style my long flowing hair,and put thought into my wardrobe choices.
Boy, how things change in 6 years.
The realization that I am no longer part of the young, hip crowd just hit me today when a cute girl introduced herself in church. She was a newly wed of two weeks and 19!!
So I did a little quick math and she was in grade school when I got married. I don't see how that could be possible, but sadly, the numbers don't lie.
The interesting thing is, I still feel like her.
I still feel young and fresh, and full of promise; but the truth is I am middle-aged-ish, with fluffy hair, (that my husband just happens to cut(and no he's not a beautician)) and bare, unpainted nails, a rotating wardrobe that is beginning to take on the look of a uniform, and a few kids to finish off the whole unorganized, mom-ish, not-so-young anymore package!
Do you think she, or any other 19 year old newly wed, would want to come over for dinner sometime?
I think they might, and then I remember that they don't have kids and that there is a possibility that they aren't used to screaming and crying at the dinner table. Not that they would really mind, but then again, they might have to put off having kids of their own for a long time because of it.
I fondly remember my young married years. I loved my "older" friends with kids. They were interesting and witty and a great example of how I wanted to be in 5 to 10 years. I just didn't think I would become them so quickly. Yet here I am. With all the baggage that they had, if not more, still feeling young and hip, but not quite either.
I always knew I was headed to where I am, a mom-life, I just thought I would feel more mom-ish. I still feel like me, and its surprising. I thought my inner feelings would mirror my outer changes, but inside I still feel basically the same.
I can't be the only one. I know there are more women out there who are young inside, but maybe have a few kids and some stretch marks.
I am still fun, but I have to schedule a babysitter to go to a movie; I still paint my nails, on occasion, but I have to lock the bathroom door; I still care about my looks, but clothes are about function not fashion.
Getting older, and wiser, isn't bad but I think I let catch me by surprise. Maybe that's just how it happens.
No one wakes up each morning and thinks,"I am one day older and further from relating to young people who aren't in my stage of life." (If you find yourself doing this, seek professional help.)
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3 comments:
Abby, I appreciate this post. I was having a conversation with my friend (and fellow blogger) Chloe the other day about "true" age. I'm turning 30 later this year, and she was saying how happy she was to turn 30 - that she had finally reached the age she had felt like inside for so long. And then I fessed up that I have always felt about 13, and so every year that passed felt stranger and stranger to me - I keep expecting that one day I'll feel like the adult that my age says that I am, but so far no-go. So maybe your "true" age is 19?
Hello! I have enjoyed reading over your blog. I can really relate to this post. I tried doing cartwheels and front rolls with my 6 yo earlier this week and realized my body will never be the same again. And when I discovered at the zoo this morning that one of my socks had a striped band at the top and the other didn't, I started worrying about my mind. I do know that the older I get the more I realize that relating to other people has less and less to do with your age. So, invite her over! She probably would love an older, yet wiser, friend!
Wow. This is exactly what I've been thinking since I had Reese. In some ways it feels like everything has changed, and in other ways it feels like nothing has changed at all. My everyday activities now include a small infant, but inside I feel like I did when I was 19. When will I actually feel like a mom?
But then I went from no baby to having one with out even noticing it. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to become a mom. I guess I just thought I would feel differently.
I too look at those newlyweds who move into the ward and mentally put myself in the same category as them, until I remember that I have been married nearly 4 years and we have a baby now. So why when everything in our life has changed, do we feel the same as we did at 19? I guess I thought I would feel like how I viewed my mom when I was young. But I just feel like me, carrying around a baby that I still can't believe is mine.
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